Change

So I have been prompted by some of my friends (mainly Lauren and Kelli!) to post again, since it has been since the beginning of the year (hey, at least it hasn't been since LAST year!!) since I have posted. So here I go...

I have a confession...I hate change. There, it's out-I admit it! My mom used to tell me that when I was little I would hate it if they changed the color of the front door. She's almost right. I know that change can often be a really good thing, and in many cases it has proved to be...but so many times I just don't like it. I think the main place that I don't like it is when it involves my relationships with others. So many of the people that I was very good friends with in college are either not my friends now or our relationship has drastically changed. I know this is part of life, but I still have a hard time accepting it. I know we all have gone our separate directions-some are married, some have kids, most all of us are in some type of career and/or school...and that is wonderful! Granted, I know that I have changed too...but it is still incredibly hard for me.

I am one of those people that has always tended to pour myself into other people-sometimes to my own detriment, because I end up being spent because it is not always reciprocated. Naturally I do not get into friendships for this to happen, but it is beneficial! That is just the way God created me-I was wired like that and have come to accept that. Sometimes I have to reign it in and let friendships go, but I struggle greatly with that. I am a Woo!! I like meeting, knowing, and building relationships with a lot of people-that is just who I am. I love that, but I have to watch it sometimes.

I am extremely thankful for every single person God has placed in my life along the way-I would not be the same person without them. I know that there is a flow in our lives, and there are friends that are in different parts or sections, but some people I just thought I would always be in regular contact with. I am not saying it is all their fault-part of it lies with me-but not in all cases. I think I may struggle with this for the rest of my life-so many times I have felt like the odd man (woman) out-more often than I can count. I am not sure why that is...maybe it is of my own accord, I'm just not sure.

Of course, many changes are good. At first I didn't think moving to Abilene was a good change because everything kept seeming to fall apart, but now I believe that it is one of the best decisions I ever made. I continue to meet and get to know so many wonderful people-I have been blessed to experience many things and travel to a lot of different and great places, meeting people along the way. I realize that it would be incredibly difficult to have a meaningful relationship with every single person along the way, but it seems that the ones that I have chosen don't always seem to work out. I get the short end of the stick and feel lost. I am not trying to write this as a pity party-I just sometimes have a hard time understanding it. I feel like I deserve better than that and sometimes I get frustrated that God made me that way, and try to see how He can use that to bless others.

I just needed to share that-I have been thinking on it for awhile, and needed to get it off my chest. I have to pray about this a lot-I love the people God has placed in my life. I have many wonderful friends and acquaintances in many different places, and I truly pray that God continues to place them in my path. I pray that I don't overlook them and that I will look for the next person God will bring into my life and embrace them in that moment.