I feel like I am in such a weird place in my life right now. I am in between jobs-which was nice for about the first month, but now I am more than ready to know what is next and where I am going. I want my own place and a semblance of a life again-which I feel like I am lacking in right now. I think when virtues were being passed out, I missed getting patience ;) It is definitely something I have had to continually work on...
Also, I am still in graduate school-yet feel like I am past this stage. This is year number 6, and eventually I will have 2 degrees-but I often wonder what I am working toward. I am thankful for the education and knowledge I have gained, but also felt like I have learned so much more simply by doing it. That has been hard to reconcile from the beginning...
A lot of my friends are married, and some are on their 2nd or 3rd child. I am content in my singleness and generally have been-I believe in God's timing and continue to try to live my life to the fullest. There are definitely opportunities God has placed before that are perfect during this time, and I have tried to embrace all I can. There is no point in waiting around for whatever is next...and yet, I still have a great desire in my heart to share my life with someone, to have the chance to minister together, and to eventually have a family...and sometimes I have the fear that I may never get that. I LOVE kids and one of my greatest desires is to have my own, and all that entails :) Obviously, I have no desire to settle, and I know that I look for a lot in a person and want more out of life than I may ever achieve...but I want someone who wants that to-and who I can be on that journey with!!
I just feel like I am in limbo and am useless right now-like I do not know where I belong, and yet want to be everywhere at the same time. Like I said before, I HATE missing out on anything-it is really hard for me and always has been-I suppose that is why I like to be involved in so much!! I have definitely learned over time that I don't have to be in EVERYthing, though-it is vital to have some balance and boundaries!! Yet, I am not really involved in anything right now, and it is strange.
Anyway, all this to say...I admit that I am scared-that I will not find a job doing what I love and have been called to, that I will not be able to share my life with someone, and if all I have worked for will be worth it. There...I said it!! It is out there...I am not trying to be pessimistic (because typically I am pretty optimistic), but honest. Life is scary sometimes-and this is one of those times. I took a leap of faith-I feel like much of my life is a leap of faith, and I know that God continues to lead. I do trust in that, but hope that I am making the right decisions along the way. I am incredibly grateful for the encouragement and prayers of my friends and family along the way-praise God for His great gift of community!! :) I pray God will take my fears-which do not belong, and make my paths straight...
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight". ~Proverbs 3:5-6
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3 comments:
Love the verse! It's my favorite! I know what you mean about feeling like you're in limbo...boy do I ever! It's like you 'feel' like God isn't working. But you know he is...it can just be harder to see. However, I have found in those times God is working the most. Patience is something we all struggle with!!!
Don't let your fear of what you're afraid you won't have to stop you. Don't let satan use that against you! He would love for you to be scared of that. Keep your faith up!!! God is working, and I think that because of your huge desire to help others, He will definately use you in a number of ways. I wish there were more people with passion like yours!!! I hope I'm not giving too much advice, but I can identify very much with you, even though are situations are different. And I just know how powerful God is...if He can bless me the way He has, then I know He can bless others as well.
I stumbled across your site and now find myself rooting you on.
Obviously I don't know anything more than what I've read, so if the following advice doesn't fit, please disregard. But be honest about that before you disregard it.
I know I have fallen in the trap of wanting things to be just so. But sometimes our perfect situation is not God's perfect situation for us. It may be that you should just get a job. Any decent job you can. God may want you to minister in a secular work place. That's what we all should be doing, but you may have a special purpose in that area. Christianity desperately needs real Christians in the real world. Also have you read "What Color is your Parachute?" It talks about taking a job to aquire a certain skill or experience and then moving to the next job to add another specific skill. That way you can build a skill set that will eventually lead you to your dream job. You probably already have all the education you need for your dream job, but you may lack a couple of hands on elements.
That's enough of that. Like I said, I really am rooting for you. Kinda strange since you are a perfect stranger.
hey kat
chin up lovely lady. life tosses curve balls, but thank goodness the ulitmate coach is up there to tell us precisely how to hit them out of the park!
just sit back on it....let the balls pass you, don't swing at them you'll just miss....and every so often we get up to the plate and we strike out but that's OK it's still part of His Perfect Plan (what I call affectionally HPP) and He obviously meant for you to strike out.
eventually you'll hit a home run i just hope the rest of the world is ready when you do
i'll be there behind home plate to root you on
enough baseball analogies
love you girl
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