More than just existing...

I apologize for no update-I have not heard anything yet about the job, which is making me anxious because I am really hoping this is the one. I keep wondering if I could have done this better, or not said this...but I know that there were SO many people praying for me (Thank you!!), and am trying to be patient and trust...

I was feeling so much better about things, had a great trip to Lubbock, and then a quick stop in Abilene for the "event formerly known as Lectureship" (now called Summit)-where I ran into a ton of people that I love (which rocked), was privileged to hear the "man in black" Randy Harris speak (which is always great)...but then I had to rush home for a 7 hour training (that was supposed to be 4) and had to be at work about 6 hours later (4:45 am) for a 10 hour shift where I took all of 5 calls...and now, I am sick-so it all just came crashing down on me yesterday-which I know a lot of that is being exhausted and not feeling well-but the fears and frustration came back and I am certainly not at peace like I was. Because I am sick, I cannot go on the ladies retreat I planned on attending this weekend-which I was really excited about because I was invited and finally had the opportunity to get involved in the church I have been attending-but that is not going to happen. What's the deal?! Did I ask to be tested more?!

I am again trying to focus on my word "thankful" and all of the blessings I have-my worries really are not that big in the scheme of things, so I feel kind of silly expressing them when people are struggling with so many other things...but it is big to me right now. I guess it all really is about perspective!

I hold on to hope-something I have been thinking about a lot lately. I am just ready to be more than just existing, but REALLY living-for God and for others. After all, that is why we are here. Life is more than existing, more than taking up space-it is living and making a difference in this world. It is a gift to be used to bring glory to God and love His people. He came to give us Life, to give us Hope, to show us Love...and He has given us gifts, abilities, and opportunities to share that Life, Hope, and Love with others. May we all seek to be His tool in this world-that really is my ultimate desire.

In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. ~2 Timothy 2:20-21