I have been meaning to write this post for days, and wanted to get it in around the new year, but alas (that is just a fun word to say!) I am writing now...
Wow, 2008...what can I say? I have to admit I am happy to see you go ;) It was quite a ride-I have been on quite a journey. 2008 was tough, but...God is bigger, and He is faithful!! Can I get an amen?! ;) Honestly, about 2 months ago-there is no way I could have imagined myself where I am now spiritually and emotionally. I was spent-at the end of my faith, questioning if God was still working...if He was there...if there was a plan; or if I really was alone, abandoned, and on my own. I still believed in Him, loved Him-but I was lacking in trust, faith, and hope-and it was incredibly scary. It was a place I had NEVER been, and I just was not sure what the outcome would be. There had been much silence over the majority of the last year...and though I would hear His Word and His message through other people, through sermons, conversations, etc-I could not hear Him in my heart. I did not even know what to pray anymore.
Then...on a random Sunday morning in early December while I was putting on makeup...He broke the silence. I questioned it at first. How could I not? Who would've thought He would break the silence while I was getting ready in the bathroom? ;) I thought I might be hearing things, but kept listening all the way on the drive to church...and I kept hearing Him say: "It is me. I am here, Katherine. I never left you. I love you. Trust me". I cannot even tell you what that did for my soul. I felt this overwhelming sense of peace and could feel it deep in the depths of my soul. We have been having open, honest conversations ever since-it is a new thing for me, and it is beautiful. To walk with my Father, talking to Him, and having Him sing over me with His love, His reminders to trust Him, that He DOES have a plan, that He is proud of me for being patient and faithful...that He has something great in store. My timing is not His. His timing is beautiful. Even though I am still not sure what the future holds...I am trying my best to trust and allow myself to rest in Him, knowing that His ways are much better than mine could ever be!!
He has been teaching me SO much-I know there is no possible way I could adequately express what He is speaking into my soul and heart, and how incredible it is to hear Him again-and in such a new and incredible way. I praise Him for His faithfulness, and for the people He put in my life at just the right time to help be His vessel and help speak truth into my life, and open the door for me to be able to allow God to restore my joy and my hope. He is Abba Father, and He IS faithful.
My friend Candy inspired me to ask God for a word for the year a few years back...and last year, the word He gave me was "thankful"-which I found quite ironic because things were just crappy and I was really frustrated. God has a sense of humor, though ;), and it did help me keep things in perspective many times. I was reminded of how blessed I am and how much I have to be thankful for-even though by the worlds standards I am not what some would deem "successful". This year-it is not just one word...at this moment it is multiple words, and I believe there will be other words as this journey continues in 2009. Some of the words that I am hearing Him speak to me are...
Trust. Be. Hope.
I will have to elaborate on those later-but those are beautiful words from my Father that speak deep into my heart and my soul. I am basking in them. I have to admit I am not soaking up as much as I should of Him-I think I am still trying to fully trust Him, surrender everything to Him, and LISTEN. He has healed me of a lot of hurt and pain over the last year-and is gently restoring me into what He has ultimately called me to be. He has assured me He has something special in store, and I cannot wait to see what it is! It only gets better from here!! :) I know this may sound like a completely different person than you have been reading for awhile...and it is. I am. He IS. He is calling me to Him...asking me to be. What a journey!! I would not have it any other way!!
I have some other super big news, too-but will let you know in a few days when it becomes official!! I am SO pumped for 2009!! I pray you are all blessed with an extra measure of the love, grace, and mercy of God~
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." ~Zephaniah 3:17
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5 comments:
Wow. Thanks for sharing your experience. I am in such a place. I'm not spent, but why am I still here! I need to move forward & my feet seem stuck. Patience & listening. Faith & promise. And the one word you used "Be". It is never in my time! I just need to "be" and He will help me unstick those feet & move forward in His time. (would you please hurry up, God?). :)
I'm so glad to year you say all of this, and I like the word alas too! :) I think it's neat of your plans to work with LST. God does have a plan and we are so rewarded when we wait for it. Waiting is the hardest thing in the world! I hope you have a blessed 2009!!!
So glad your New Year is starting off in the right direction. May you follow the Lord's signs and footprints along the path of this year's journey so that, by year's end, you will know that your trust, hope, and faith were justified. Be blessed in all you do to serve Him...Lynn
Katherine, God Bless you and surround you with his peace!! Kathryn Estrada
It thrills me to hear you put these words in writing. I remember when you first twittered them and were so excited! The story brings me to tears because it so exciting when we hear how God has moved in the lives of others. I am so thrilled that God is doing such an amazing thing in your heart, that He has gripped you so tightly you know it without doubt. He is going to do something amazing this year!!
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