Life isn't really that bad-I have just been really confused lately. I feel like I have been on a roller coaster, and not necessarily the fun one. I think I just needed to write some of it out. I don't know if anyone is actually still reading, but didn't mean to bum you out if you are! I am just trying to be honest and work through it all.
Maybe this is just part of growing up-if so, I don't think I am so fond of it! ;) I just hate it when things seem so unsure, and I feel like I am struggling the whole way. I feel like I am such a weird place in my life, and am so unsettled and still searching for something-which I am not sure what exactly that is. I feel like I am missing it, somehow. There are places I feel safe and secure, but I know I cannot remain there forever-that is not how life works. I am trying to make the right decisions and look to God for discernment. I have realized that sometimes you just have to make a decision and go with it. If it is not the right one, you pretty much know right off and change it.
I have to admit I have loved all of the traveling and being able to spend time with so many people that I love dearly. I loved being in Artesia-even though I was sick, I still got to spend time with my extended family there. I just love them, and am so thankful for them-I have such a good time when I go there!! I feel even more connected because of the relationships that were formed through the mission trip to Mexico this past summer-it is fun to go back and see everyone at Hermosa! I think I could easily live there for awhile-I like the small town feel. It is a nice change of pace and feels comfortable. I have no idea what I would do-but I really like the feeling I have when I am there. It is not the most attractive town in the world, but it feels like a home away from home. To me, where I live is mostly about the people-not necessarily about the town. I have thoroughly discovered how I cannot survive without strong community that I can both contribute to and gain from. I have been blessed with opportunities to really experience and embrace that, and know how much it means.
That all leads to this-Candy has challenged me once again to discover my word for this year. I prayed about it for a couple of days, and it came through clear. Here is the recurring word that continues to pop up in my head and heart: THANKFUL. I have so incredibly much to be thankful for-even in the midst of my frustration, searching, and confusion-I am thankful. I am trying to be thankful for both the big and small things. I realize and recognize I have been blessed beyond my comprehension, and I am thankful-overly thankful, but I know I don't express that enough. I have to keep reminding myself of that, and continue to thank God over and over for all of the many blessings in my life.
"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness". ~Colossians 2:6-7
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5 comments:
Yes, yes yes! Thankfulness is the open door to finding your purpose in life! And you know, I have fingured out (in my long life of 31years) that there are often many good doors you can go through, rather than one good and one bad. You don't need to look for some "sign from God" to choose the right door, only KNOW that because you are HIS child, he will bless whatever good decision you make. You can ask God for guidance and discernment, but ultimately it is faith in the unseen that helps you make your choice. Unfortunately, we all have to go through some wilderness experiences, just like the Israelites. If we never went through a wilderness experience, how would we ever be truly THANKFUL for our "Canaan"?
You WILL make the right choice for your life--I know you! You are a leader and a go-getter, traits that GOD has bestowed upon you to use for His glory. I am praying for you to feel a supernatural peace as you go about discerning God's will for your life. Here comes a BIG HUG from Tennessee!!!
Thankful. Great word. My husband's is gratitude. Same thing. I think God does want us to be thankful in all things - the good and the bad - the comfortable and the uncomfortable. He is in all of it. He never leaves us. He always wants His best for us. Hang in there, girl. I just know big things are coming for you. I know I'm certainly thankful that you share your journey here.
I know exactly what you mean, and like you said, although we are in different situations, we have a lot of the same feelings. I hate being okay one second and not feeling the next. It seems to be a consistent effort to stay focused and be thankful for a place that I'm not sure I like! It is uncomfortable and we do want certainty...I would just like the "big sign" personally from God himself...but it doesn't work that way. I agree with what Deborah said that we must know that as long as we're following God no matter which door we go in, He will bless. I needed to hear that today!!!
Great comments ladies! There is great wisdom in your words. I think it shows how similar we all really are. We all have these waining feelings at times. That is why it is so important to have great people to lift us up and drag us along when we need it.
how blessed you are to be a Christian and to have your faith to rely on. God is a sovereign God and is completely in control even when you don't feel like you are. I went to bed last night memorizing James 1:2-4. It really helped me throughout the day, I would just recite it in my moments of weakness or frustration. growing pains are real! God is growing you, and how wonderful that you can rejoice in that!!!! I will say a prayer for you tonight-your sister in Christ!!
rachel
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