Carry to completion...

I have been in Tennessee since last Friday, so haven't had much time to write-hope no one has had too many withdrawals!! ;) It was a wonderful trip, and I met many new people, while having the tremendous blessing of sharing a meal and having great conversations with people like Dean, Rodney, and Kira-who all mean the world to me. I am completely in love with Nashville, and would LOVE to move there. If anyone knows of any jobs open there, let me know ;)

I have just been thinking lately how I know there have been a lot of experiences, struggles, and people that could have completely turned me off from church itself (not God), and could have made me want to give up on my call to ministry and just walk away...but I haven't. It really has not even crossed my mind. I know the road has not been easy, but I know that God is faithful-and would not have placed this calling on my heart, or given me these passions and gifts without providing opportunities for me to use them. At least, this is what I really hope. I have tried to be faithful and stay aware of those opportunities, but it has been a struggle.

I do get frustrated when I look at women who walked right into a ministry position (and while I really am happy for them), I can't help but wonder why that did not happen for me-or if I have done something wrong, or have not been in the right place at the right time...I get frustrated when I look at men who are actually getting paid to minister who should never have been in ministry (not talking about anyone in particular, but you know they are out there), and the only reason that in many places I am not allowed to do it is because of my anatomy.

Yet, I have definitely been less frustrated than I imagined. I know all of this could make me very bitter if I let it, but I just have to believe that God has a bigger plan. If I did not have faith in this, I think I would just go crazy. I have just never questioned it all so much in my life, and that is hard-because it is ALL I have worked for over the last 10 years, and I wonder for what?! Am I being proactive enough? Am I missing something? Or do I just need to be patient (though I feel like I have been extremely patient!) I guess these are normal questions, but I will readily admit it is hard sometimes, and I get jealous sometimes. I wonder why it has been easier for some than others. I also know I am not alone-I am not the only one who has gone down this road, and I will not be the last. I know that my heritage in the Churches of Christ are not the only ones who have struggled and wrestled with this issue. But, I know it is a slow moving issue within my heritage, which is not incredibly encouraging. I don't know what that means for the future, but I do pray that God will continue to open our eyes to what He is calling us to and we will listen. It is hard for me to find where my calling fits into all of that. It has been such an integral part of my life and my family for my entire life, and not something I want to "leave", but I know it is something to consider.

I know a lot of this is venting, and some may not understand or agree-which is okay. I am just trying to wrestle through and understand all of it, which I may never fully comprehend. I just continue to hang on to the hope of God, placing trust and faith that He will carry His plan to completion-whatever it is.

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 1:4-6