Walk by faith...

Well, my blog probably feels neglected-I hope you do not feel neglected (for those still checking in!) I usually have 4 or 5 things I want to write about during the week...but for some reason, it never makes it on paper or on the screen! ;)

Anyway...I have been on quite a journey in the last month, and it would be hard to put into words. I feel like I have gone to the end of my faith and back, and it was pretty scary for awhile-but God has sustained me and I am choosing to place my trust in Him. Who else can I trust? He is my hope, He is my guide-and I have to believe that even when I cannot see Him, hear Him, or know that He is there-He is. It has just been a long, hard road-and I am not sure where it will turn next, but I still see it is a great adventure! Life needs to be lived that way, or it is just not worth it. Life should be fully lived, and while mine has not been lately-I am working on that. I think I have found strength I didn't know I have-I am strong, and have pulled myself through a lot of situations by the grace of God-but, this is different. I have felt more alone and vulnerable this time, but am remaining strong, and relying on the Lord to guide the way.

To update...my temp job ended a few weeks ago, and I had mixed emotions. It wasn't the ideal job, and we knew it would be temporary-but it ended sooner that we anticipated. There was definitely quite the cast of characters there ;), but I made some good friends and we had a good time towards the end when we had more time to get to know each other. Everyone has their own story, and I enjoyed learning so many of theirs-some are beautiful and others painful. It seems like we each carry our own load. But, when you work that long and in that close of a space-you become like a little family! I was kind of sad to see some of them go, and others...not so much ;) I absolutely loved my boss though-he was awesome, and I really appreciate the vote of confidence and encouragement that he gave me. It was a real boost, after what I endured in my previous job and while I was feeling like I was not valued. I was thankful for that experience, and again am on the search again...

I am just choosing to walk by faith...even when I cannot see. It is the only way to walk-although I really questioned that for awhile-if it is worth it, if anything will ever work out, or if this would just repeat throughout my life. I had to face some harsh realities and square with some things, but I am learning to accept them, and use them as a strength instead of a weakness. I had an awesome, long phone conversation with a good friend the other day that was a pure Godsend, and it really helped me put a lot of things into perspective. I am so thankful for good friends who can speak truth in your life, and you can do it for them. It is a rare blessing. This has been quite a lonely journey-I don't really have much of a social life here, most of my friends are married and/or have kids-so I don't see them much-and all of that is hard on a VERY relational person! I have hundreds of friends scattered all throughout the world-but not many here, and that just adds to the frustration. Yet, every once in awhile, at the right moment-someone will pop up on my screen. What did we do before internet communication? ;) Of course, my favorite is still a face to face visit!!

Well, I guess I am rambling now-which is probably because of the lack of sleep and now pain killers ;) Oh, yes-I have had MAJOR tooth pain for the last few days-which has not allowed me to sleep...and went to the dentist today (SO glad I made it in during this week!) and...I have to have two root canals next week. Yep-ugh. Not so looking forward to that (or the cost!!), but am thankful that I still have my insurance for a few more weeks from the temp job-so my medicine and initial exam is much less than it would have been otherwise!!

There is a silver lining in this all, and I have to keep looking for it. I came to0 close to losing my faith-and that is just plain scary. I really don't want to go there again. So, during this time of Thanksgiving-I am choosing to be thankful (oh my-that was my word for the year!), and remember how God has blessed me throughout my life, and how He will continue to sustain me if I look to Him. Honestly, I am not sure if He has a plan-but I have to press forward like there is one-whether it is up to me or not. I don't know if things will work out-I don't know if I will ever get to pursue all my passions, live out my dreams, or use all of the gifts God has given me to help others-but I am going to do my darndest to try-even when I fall...I will walk by faith and not by sight.