God created community

More on community...

I really REALLY believe God created us for community.

Like I said before, it seems like I have been in a battle since I arrived in Abilene; and one of the things at the core of that struggle has been trying to find stable community. I realize part of that comes with the territory of working and living on a university campus in a college town. I mean, I have met and developed relationships with some awesome people here and I love them dearly, but it just hasn't quite gone as deep enough as I would like it to. I have not really found it in a church, although I had it at Minter for awhile. It is my own fault for not going there as much as I used to, and for some reason it has just been really hard to break in to Highland.

Something happened when I was in Lubbock last weekend. I loved Lubbock. I loved everything about it-the town, the people, LCU, Broadway, the Towns, and all of my other adopted families...but I knew I had to leave. I could not find a job I wanted and felt like my ministry had ceased being affective and just felt stuck in a rut, and at times I was pretty miserable, but...I had community. I had family. It was real. I knew it was the right decision to leave, but it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I wanted to come to Abilene to finish my degree, and I really do not have an explanation for what happened when I came here. It is like everything changed, including me. It has never been the same, and I am not sure why. For some reason, sometimes I feel like there is something in me that keeps me from going deeper here. I don't try to do it on purpose, and maybe it stems from a fear of rejection or annoying people. I can get really passionate about people and getting to know them, and have pulled back on some people, which is difficult for me. I have definitely grown through this challenge, and do not regret being here. I know God has been molding me and shaping me, while also using me for a bigger purpose and for His glory. I know that I will come out a stronger person, and I really am thankful for the opportunity to serve in this position as an RD. It has been a huge challenge, but an even bigger blessing. I know I am here for a reason, and I will continue to look for ways for God to use and grow me.

Ok, back to Lubbock...it began at Master Follies and continued at the ZOE conference. I felt at home again. I felt like I knew everyone and everyone knew me. I went to Broadway and it was like I never left. I felt right at home at Monterey a few weeks later. It just felt right. People were genuinely interested in what was going on in my life and took time to ask and listen. There was community...family...and it was beautiful. It brought me to tears more than once. I crave and hunger for community. I feed off people and it brings me great joy to be involved in their lives and develop relationships with them. God made me like this, and more than once it has set me up to be hurt and I have been frustrated, but still I am thankful. It has also brought some incredible people in my life, while many of those friendships and relationships continue to grow today. I have been incredibly blessed by more friends than I could count, who are all over the world & who I dearly love. I love it, but sometimes I do wish for something deeper with some of them. God has provided that much more lately in places and with people I would have never thought. Abilene has just been a hard place for that, and I know I am not the only one who has said that. I pray that God provides a deeper community here for all that are searching.

I am not sure where all of this heads to, but it does make me question where I will end up in a little over a year when (Lord willing) I finish up this degree. I feel a pull towards Lubbock, also a one towards Denton, and I am not really sure where else. Wherever I go, I just want to be able to not just be a part of, but contribute and use my gifts to serve and encourage others.

If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. ~ I Corinthians 12: 26-27