Let my plans by His plans...

I am finally feeling better and near 100% again. Thank goodness for medicine!! I have not been that sick in a LONG time-it was a little scary there for awhile. It has left me a little down, though-I know that is why I feel down, but it doesn't make it any easier. I just really wanted to start this year off great, and this is throwing a kink in my plans. I know it is only a minor setback, and easy to move on and overcome-it just all feels weird. The future seems so unknown and scary. I have a lot of fears, which I know many of them are straight from satan, and they need to be banished. I am just having a hard time getting rid of them.

2007 started out on a very sour note, and ended with a sense of unknown...but filled with hope. At least I am trying to hang on to hope. I could have never imagined that what transpired over this past year would have happened, nor would I have wanted to. It is still hard for me to understand much of what happened, but I just try to continue to look to God for guidance and answers. I cannot believe I have been looking for a job for 5 months now. I am more than ready for something to happen and to land somewhere. I want a life again. I want a home again. A purpose and something to call my own. I just feel like I am wandering, and I am tired of wandering. I need some guidance to know what to do. I don't want to make the wrong decision, but I am definitely ready to move on. I know there are many things I can do, but the question is: which way do I go? What does God want me to do? I want to always walk in His will and His way, but I also know that much of this lies in my hands.

I have been praying, and I know many others have been, too. I am incredibly thankful for that. I have been searching, applying, e-mailing, sending out resumes...and generally trying to follow every lead that sounds remotely possible. I keep trying to believe that God has a plan and it is all in His timing, but that is always easier said than done. I have been blessed by so many people in my life in so many towns, and they each mean so much to me. I don't know which place to choose. I was kind of hoping that one of them would pick me, as strange as that may sound.

I just want these fears to go away. I hate this uneasy feeling. I want to feel secure and at peace again. I want to do something more with my life. I want to help people and feel grounded again. This journey has not been easy, but I know that God is still my captain. I put my hope in that. I lay my plans at His feet, for His are much better than mine.

Lord, please guide my steps and let my plans be your plans. Let me hear your voice and seek your face because you are my Guide, my Shepherd, and my All.