Well, one job hopeful went away today-it would not have been my ideal job, but it would have gotten me to Lubbock, would have been interesting, and would have paid well. I guess it was not the right one...so, I keep pressing forward. There are a couple other promising ones in Lubbock, although they will not hire till June, so it will be a little while before I find out. I am trying not to be frustrated or upset, but I am having a very difficult time fighting off those feelings. I am okay for a long time and then bam! it just sweeps over me. After this long searching, you tend to question yourself. I know I have a lot to offer (not trying to be conceited), I know my resume looks great and all that-but for some reason, nothing seems to be fitting or working. It can be incredibly discouraging and I just feel so unstable and like I don't belong anywhere. I really hate that feeling-I have felt it a lot in my life, but that is another story. I have tried to focus on the positive and remind myself to be thankful, which has helped me, and I know God has led me through much of this without me even asking. I can feel His hand in my life, and my utmost desire is to follow Him and serve Him and His people. I know that can happen anywhere, and am really searching for those opportunities. It is much better to pour myself into others than think about myself anyway! I just keep thinking about all the things I could be doing during this time, and wonder what has stopped me. Therefore, I keep pressing forward and listen to God's voice...
Oh, and that verse has popped up again-yep, that one. James 1:2-4. I found it in Lookadoo's (ok, I really do love that name) book. He was talking how failure to fail will make you a failure. He writes:
If you never fail, you never stretch yourself to be more than you are. You never learn that there are many ways to solve a single problem. Without failure, you will never discover the cure for cancer. Without failure, man would never have walked on the moon. Without failure, we would still be riding horses to town, sitting around in the dark, hoping that we could get to the closest tree before our bladder exploded.
I liked this line the most: Failures are the hurdles of greatness.
Each failure is a brick that builds the foundation of a huge victory. The next time you try something, go big. Because if it's worth doing, it's worth doing in a large way. And if you are going to fail, fail big.
Honestly, I don't really like the word failure (there is the positivity kicking in). It has such an end tone to it-like you failed, it's over. I don't consider things I have done as a failure, but a lesson. If you do not learn from your attempts, your mistakes, your experiences in life-then they were not worth it. You have to figure out what went wrong or could have been done better, and learn not to do it next time or how to make it better. That is called success, and that is what we strive for. Though success is defined in different ways depending on who you ask. To me, success will not be in me landing a job, although that will be good for my pocketbook ;) It will be defined in if I am faithful to God, in how I love people and see them as His beautiful children, and if I have been a light for His kingdom. I may never feel like I fit into this world or any group-but that is not what Jesus died for and it is not why I have been placed on this earth. I keep striving for the goal, knowing and believing that God has a bigger plan and purpose for all of us.
Ok, I know this has been more like a rambling, but if you can't do that on your own blog-where can you?! ;) I hope some of it made sense! May you be blessed by these words:
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 3:12-14
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3 comments:
Even in your frustration, you manage to encourage others and help them through whatever struggles they may be having. I am not having a great week, and just reading your words really make me appreciate what I have, and know there is a bigger purpose. I like how you said, it would be more fun to be serving others right now. You feel selfish because all you can do right now is think about yourself and the position that is waiting for you. Maybe God is giving you this time to do JUST that. Maybe you need to focus on you a little bit, and then the right pieces will fall into place. I am not pretending you know, I am just saying maybe that is one way to look at it.
You are gifted and God wants you in the right place. And, when you get there, it will be great.
You really are quite amazing. I know this has to be incredibly hard, but you continue to be positive. I continue to pray for you. God is good and you are His child. His best is worth waiting for. Easier said than done, I know, but you are doing it well.
Great post.
I hope you have a great weekend.
Keep up the great blogging.
In Him,
Kinney Mabry
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